I think I need to make a habit out of writing if only a paragraph every day. Writing clears my mind and makes it easier for my thoughts to align and stop pestering me with never ending whys and splitting headaches. As a human, I'm guilty of being selfish. I want everything to work out for me, and that goes on for whatever is going through my head. So out of pure selfishness, I write.
What happens when you're presented with an idea that you never wanted to consider? Naturally, you will not give it a second thought. Just like any rational person, you'll dismiss it. But let me tell you this, the thoughts in my head are no rational beings. If anything, they are the exact opposite.
In my schoolgirl excitement, I've allowed my thought to wander away to places that should forever stay uninhabited. I've allowed my hopes to ride on uncertainty and went as far as expecting the best. This is the start of my demise, my friends.
Expectations is what lead me to being who I am, and while this is not a bad thing since I, in my self glorifying eyes, think I turned out great, though it wasn't easy to get to. I taught myself to never hope, to never expect, to never go in that path of uncertain outcomes because no one likes to be disappointed. And yes, by no one I mean me. I don't want to be disappointed especially in matters that mean nothing to me.
But you might go ahead and ask, why all this thinking if the matter is of no significance to yours truly? I would answer if I had a reply. I would tell you in a rational way what's going on, except I can't rationalize what seems to be a matter of the heart..