Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
I’m not about to use this as an excuse. PMS doesn’t stand for temporary insanity. It’s just that you have a little less control, and that gives a lot more room to voice whatever is already inside.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I had the kids over (must stop calling my nephews the kids, people will start thinking they are mine) this weekeend and surprisingly, it went just fine. I actually miss them now that they’re gone.
Today started on a bad note, I’m hoping it’ll get better as I go. I don’t feel like saying anything right now, so no need to drag this on.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
So having said that, to family! May they always be around, if not in presence in spirit.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
How trivial are our everyday worries. We have everything we need within our reach and yet we keep consuming ourselves with worry and grief over insignificant matters. We live in a third world country but our problems are purely first world. We are the worst of both worlds multiplied and put under the optimal conditions to breed and spread out. We are what capitalism is all about. We are the perfect consumers, and worse yet, we are proud to be nothing but that.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
I can't help but believe that satisfaction is not meant to be achieved in a place like this. Nothing about this town is going as it should be. No one here is acting like the human they were born to be. We are but puppets being taught a fed the same crap. We are doomed if we are happy with that. We are done for if we are satisfied.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
* I always worry about putting the wrong date on the title. I kinda developed a weird scenario of a gap in the fabric of time and creating eternal chaos. That would be something, won't it!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
A new day, just like every day, has come. A new beginning? Let's not get carried away! New hopes? Yes, that I'm guilty of. The end of a week always brings some sense of relief. No matter how hard the family gathering tries to take that sense of relief, it wouldn't leave. It fights for me. It wants me to be ok. And I am, momentarily, ok.
I have a small question now. We have a '3abga at work and I promised to bring something but got lazy and brought something else; will I be shunned forever now? Will I be known as the girl who can't commit? Why am I even participating in such events? This was my idea of being funny, so yeah!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The most genuine words come out when you sit down with no intention of writing. I however, don't have that privilege since I'm here under the threat of my own inner torment. That leaves me to wonder about the nature of those forced pieces of this incomplete puzzle. Are they real? Are they of any value? Do they count? Am I who I claim to be?
Anyway, this is what I have to offer. Genuine or of no value, it's up for you to decide and for me to disregard. Therapy is what this is. Healing is what it's meant to do, and if it's working out for me, then I'm keeping them coming. Are they working out for me though? I love asking those questions, don't ask me why!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
This place is starting to suffocate me. All the whining can't be doing anyone good, so how about we agree on being less tormented around her? All in favor, say I! My audience consisting of one agrees, so let's move on.
Today marks 8 months of working here and I'm already thinking of a change of plan. I don't know if I'm fickle or if it's really a good choice. I'll have to do more research and then make my move. I've been good at getting what I want so far, so let's hope I'll continue to be.
This wasn't so bad, was it now!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Reading back what I write always gives me a sense of pretentiousness, but I can't help being a stuck up bitch! This is how the thoughts formulate in my head. This is the tone of my inner voice. This is the way I read everything or comprehend. This is even the sound I use to read funny tweets! It's dull, but this is what I'm used to. So if you're bothered, stop! Because it's not going to change.
Having said that, today I'm at a loss of words. I want to write about something other than my thoughts, but my thoughts are jealous creatures. They see me trying to think of something else so they pull me back to where I started from. It's a constant loop, a vicious cycle. They are my current master, and just like most subordinates, I obey in hopes of a treat. I think I deserve a treat.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
First day of the week is always the hardest. You're just coming back from getting to do whatever you please with your day, which makes being stuck at work for 7:30 hours the day after an unbearable chore. Alas, this is what growing up is all about. We finish studying then we work, that's what we've been taught. Not all grownups can be wrong, or can they!
One of my freezers is in distress. She's shouting for me, so eager for help. I have to go comfort her, after all, I did call her princess.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
I find myself forcing myself to do a lot of things lately. Other than writing I force myself to read, work, interact with people, and shower. Those are signs of being depressed I suppose. I never said I wasn't depressed.
You see, I believe I found the perfect cure for my condition, My condition being apathy or whatever not wanting to live might fall under, and the perfect cure is to make myself do everything I don't feel like doing. That's right! As simple as that. Do it all and do it with a smile. You got it champ.
So here I am crossing writing off my list. I just have some pages to read then I can go back to watching shows in bed. Life is good.
Friday, July 13, 2012
* I wish I can stop being sarcastic or maybe at least tone it down sometimes. You're stuck with it, I'm stuck with it. You're welcome, universe.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Being an observer locks you in a world inside of you that you can not leave. There's not much you can do with reality but asking why and looking for answers. Answers that most probably will not see the light. And what can't get out will grow impatient and rebel, then start a revolution and suddenly a coup.. And all of a sudden you're no longer in charge.
I am no longer in charge. I can no longer steer my thinking process into my desired direction. Most of my thought are those I wish would remain silent.. They never stop talking. They keep whispering what I don't want to hear, and when I ignore they shout!
LISTEN TO US! WE ARE WHAT YOU BOTTLED INSIDE AND WE'VE COME BACK WITH A VENGEANCE. WE'RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE'RE HEARD.
So I close my eyes and listen to them but they won't stop! They go on forever and I'm not sure I understand. What do they want from me? Please make them stop! I beg.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
*Sometimes you just have to write. Even if there's nothing to write about and words refuse to serve a purpose. Today is one of those times. I have the Nerdist playing in the background and I can't help but listen to snippets of jokes and, even when my mind is resisting, give out a smile.