Saturday, March 31, 2012

Ache

It's days like this I wish I was more like a human and less like a cyborg. I want affection and I want it in abundance. I feel like a hug but I have no one to hug. I want to be heard but I'm not sure if I want to speak. My heart aches like a mother fucker!

Be ok! Be ok for me. Be ok to me. You are all I have. I am all I have..

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Trust Issues?

Sometimes the universe introduces people to your life of whom your life would be easier without. The best thing you can do in these situations is to know how to asess the problem and then decide on how you want to deal with the mess. Me, being the stone wall that I am, choose to avoid any mess and drama by not giving too much. If I feel a person's not good for me, I maintain an impenetrable layer professionalism. This way I don't create an enemy or an enemy dressed as a temporary friend.
This might sound sad and I might be missing out on new opportunities of meeting new people, but if there's one thing that I'll always trust it's my gut feeling. Even though my gut feeling has been referred to as gas (by none other than Thug, my favorite troll) before, I think it's one of those mystical forces looking after me. I might be exaggerating, but I really like the idea of divine guidance. So again, I'll have to shut myself up and start this!
Dear person I last spoke to,
There's something about you that makes me cautious around you. You are a nice person, yet I can't find myself calling you a friend. I can't trust you or let my guard down in your presence. I feel like giving you too much is going to cost me a lot.
Your excessive kindness is making everyone want to be around you, it's like you can never do wrong. My feelings towards you (or lack of them) sound unexplainable, but I know when to trust my gut feeling and it's telling me to not be fooled. I feel that you will destroy me if it was in your interest. I really wish I don't have to deal with you but our paths are intertwined so I choose to be careful.
With all that said, I will always act civil around you and try to maintain a normal level of interaction. We might have to deal with each other for a long time, and I'm not looking forward for constant drama.
Regards,
Sumaiah
* I need all of you (I know I can count you all on one hand but let me live the moment :p) to like this drawing (and ask everyone you know to do the same! Yes, even your annoying friend whom you've had a fight with 5 years ago!) on Facebook http://bit.ly/GM8n4J. I'm doing this for a friend so please help me make this happen.

Monday, March 19, 2012

My Person

To answer the million KD question; yes! Yours truly has feelings. Happy now? Ok now, let's not make this more of an awkward situation and let's get to it.

Dear person I like,
Where do I start? Should I start with telling the world how much of a beautiful soul you are? Or should I try to translate, in the best way mere words can, how I feel about you? Or should I shy away and only skim the surface? I guess we both know I'm not a shy person! I'm not an emotional person as well, but why not try!

I find this weird, writing about how much I like you. I mean, can we stop at saying you're someone to be liked? But first I have to make one thing clear. like is not love! Like, to me, is a more genuine feeling with no expectations of moving forward or getting something in return. So based on that definition I'm going to proceed.

I feel I've wasted enough time going through the introduction, so let's just cut to the chase.

You are one of the most caring and natural person out there. Being around you makes me happy, even a look from you makes me laugh. Your life was not the easiest but you have an outlook on life that no one I know has. You're the type of person who doesn't have to try to win you over, you demand respect and affection. You're one of the most real people out there.

I feel I can act silly around you. You made peace with who I am (as hard as that might be). Being me around you is not an option anymore, it just comes naturally. You make me want to smile. I'm so honored to have you in my life.

This is short, incoherent and it does you no justice. I wish I can manipulate my feelings into forming a paragraph. Words failed me today but maybe I'll be able to explain this some other time.

Yours,
Sumaiah.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Piercing?

I want to get an industrial and eyebrow piercing but I don't know where to go get them done. I know Eden salon does eyebrow piercing but I want to get them both at the same time and I'm kinda more into the industrial now than I am into the eyebrow ring. Please help! I really really want this, so if anyone knows of a place where I could go, do let me know!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Never Again

I'm starting to stress having to come up with more of those since the ones I had prepared are running out. But I must admit, I'm finding this very interesting and therapeutic. You all should try it. So here goes the next in my series.

Dear ex bestfriend,
It's been a while since you last heard of me. I know that because I made sure of it. I cut people out when they end up not being what they promised to be. You, unfortunately, did exactly that.

I knew you were her friend to start with, but three years of friendship should count for something, am I right? Silly me, I thought we bonded; I thought we were best friends! The realization of not losing one, but two friends shattered me. You knew I was going through a lot at the time, yet you didn't stick around.

In a dark period of my life, I needed you around, but you had to pick sides. You wanted to contact me when it was most convenient to you, and I wasn't buying that.

I didn't beg for you friendship back then and trust me, that's not what I'm trying to do now. All I want to say is that you hurt me by being so immature towards the whole situation. You cared more about yourself and what suited you best on the expense of our friendship. Even though I had difficulties showing it, I loved having you as a person I could trust.

You're a very kind person, but just like I respected your choice of forgetting about me on the toughest year of my life, respect my choice of forgetting about you forever. You knew how hard it is for me to trust, so you should've expected this.

Even though I made sure of keeping you as far away from me as possible, I find you invading my mind at the weirdest of times. I will always remember you fondly because you haven't done me any wrong... You actually haven't done me anything when I needed you the most.

Thanks for the lesson,
Sumaiah.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A Lesson in Maturity

This was one of the easiest love letter I had to write. It might be short and it might be repetitive but it summed up everything I wanted to say. Some of you might find this pretty shocking, I did at first, but she's my mom!

Dear mom,
I love you!

I know we had our differences, and at times I blamed you for things that weren't entirely your fault, but please forgive me and let us put all of that behind. I wasn't always the best daughter but I've matured now and learned to appreciate everything about you.

I'm putting the past behind me because I know you tried, and there's not much one person could do. You did your best and it paid off. I'm sorry it took me a long time to realize that.

You're a great lady whom I've come to respect. Without you and your patience I wouldn't be the person I am today. Even if I'm not very expressive of that love, trust me I'm trying to work on that now.

I'm sorry for giving you hell. I'm sorry for being a brat. I'm sorry for the years of unexplained anger. I'm sorry for everything.

Your loving daughter,
Sumaiah.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Let's Do This

Since I'm having difficulties coming up with post to write, I though why not commit to something that someone else came up with and I found this. This is the first of this series, enjoy!

Dear someone I hate,
I tried to make this letter as civil as possible, but there's nothing much to do if you repulse me. You are a despicable person whose only purpose in life is to create misery. You're a coward who feasts off decent people's dreams. You're a leach, sucking the life out of my loved ones.

There might have been a time when I didn't hate you, but those times are a distant memory now. I can't remember the last time I felt affection towards you or thought of you fondly. You managed to twist love into this heinous act of torture. You maimed and deformed what people call the strongest bond.

I am a person who's capable of hate, but I never thought I can have this much hatred directed at one person. What you do is unforgivable, unthinkable, and unacceptable. You, thinking that those behaviors are normal only shows how fucked up and vile you are.

My only wish is that you'd stay out of our lives. Your presence burdens us and you're no longer welcomed to stay. I wish one day my loved ones and I will be free of you.

You disgust me.

With all the hate in the world,
Sumaiah.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Tagged!

I know I've been slacking around here, I admit I suck! So since I have commitment issues and I'm kinda out of inspiration (lool I know, that was funny!), I'm starting with a tag.

I was tagged by Vain to do this 11 tag thingy, so here goes!

11 facts about me.
1- I don't like hot or caffeinated drinks, but when I drink tea I take it without sugar and when I take coffee I like it extra sweet.
2- I'd rather rewatch movies that I like instead of watching the crappy new movies.
3- I was molested as a child.
4- I wet the bed until the tender age of 12 :p
5- I can't remember the last time I had more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep.
6- I used to call you people "internet people" because I thought it's better to separate you from my real world! But some of you made it into my real life and I'm really happy to call you "friends" now.
7- I haven't cleaned my room in more than a year.
8- I've never met a person who likes my taste in music, but we all know that's because I'm superior to most :p
9- I'm having my eyebrow pierced soon.
10- I want to be an activist.
11- What else? Oh yeah! I kissed a girl.


Vain's 11 questions..
1. Where in the world would you like to live?
- Africa

2. What's your favorite chocolate?
- Lindt Lindor

3. If aliens were real, do you think they're evil or peaceful?
- Please let's not talk about aliens! I don't do aliens.

4. What's the best book you've ever read?
- God of Small Things

5. What's your all time favorite movie?
- Ponyo
Pan's Labyrinth
Yes I'm cheating :p

6. What 3 songs you don't mind listening to for the rest of your life?
- Bird Song - Florence + the Machine
Take Me to the Riot - Stars
Thank You - Dikta

7. What would you fix in the world?
- Where should I start? I'd stop all sort of oppression. Stop war. End hunger. Make the world simple again.

8. What language would you like to be fluent at?
- Urdu

9. If you had a monkey what would you name it?
- Cartman

10. What's your dream job?
- Activism could be a job, right?

11. How much do you love me?
- Let's see! I love you enough to not call you "Internet person" :p

I'm not tagging anyone because:
A) I don't feel like coming up with 11 questions.
B) Almost everyone I know has already been tagged.

Next in line is this http://saraahmed.posterous.com/series-of-letters-i-plan-on-writing-join-me. I'll start posting letters every couple of days? I have four ready so I'm sure those would be posted, but I'm not promising more :p