Sunday, December 19, 2010
Life is a variable. You have good days and bad days. Nothing stays the same whether you want it to or not. Today was a bad day...
I woke up feeling sorry for myself. I stayed in my messy room under my dirty covers and I felt so sorry for what's becoming of me. I might be breathing but I'm not living. I haven't been living for a long time and the sad thing is that I've accepted it. I'm ok with being barely alive, I'm ok with feeling like a failure, I'm ok with doing it the easy way.
Most of my followers are aware of the fact that I'm troubled. I'm not sure if all of you figure it out, but I have self destructive tendencies. The picture above is of one of my favorite destructive behaviors. I know that it's wrong (not to mention lame!), and I know that it doesn't change a thing, but I used to cut to feel alive (laaaaame!).
You might think that this is a sad post seeing that I'm gloomy and I'm talking about cutting! It's not really! It's been more than a year since I last cut. I'm not saying that I don't think about it, because as seen in the picture I still get the urge (which was taken this week!). Even though sometimes I have the utmost intention to hurt myself, I have managed to keep it as an intention.
I might be taking a long time to grow out of my stupidity, but I'll get there :)
I'm watching Scot Pilgrim at the moment, it's very funny. I'll go watch now, ok bye :*