"Hatha ermo'6anech! Mjabal talfezion ly elfayer oo noum ly el3a9er!"
Fuck him! What does he know about rm'6any! He wasn't even around! Why does he always have to put us down! Does he think that having a long beard puts him in good relations with Allah, and that gives him the right to be mean with his kids! Why doesn't he ever notice the good traits that we have? Does he always have to pick on what he thinks we're doing wrong? I know that he's weak unless I empower him, so why am I giving him control over my life! Even wife beaters are braver than him, at least those bruises heal, unlike the damage that he's causing that will never heal!
Why did my mom stay with him? Does she think that she's doing us a favor by doing that? Why does she always have to take his side? Why does he have to be nice to everyone, so when we complain everyone tells us that he's as holy as god! If he hates us that much then why can't he leave us and go pick on another family!
How come he's the only one who can make me feel this bad? How come it's his love that I yearn for and run away from at the same time? How come he doesn't like us this much but still manages to stick around? Does he find strength in causing us pain? Is it his way of saying I love you back?
I used to forgive him because he had a mentally abusive mom. He's messing us up because she messed him up before. But shouldn't he protect us from what he went through! He of all people should know that guilt triping your child will eventually lead them to snap!
I can't take being in this much pain for long. I won't stay, I'm not mom. I won't be the weak dumb women that I make fun of when they come up on TV! I just need to work for my ticket out of here, and not through marriage that is!
I want to hate him. I want to tell him how mean and weak he is. I want to hurt him just as much as he's hurting me. But because I love him I could only wish that he was gone!