Thursday, September 9, 2010

Fuck Off

Warning: don't read this! I repeat DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY! And if you did please don't act all wise on my ass! You can't fix this just as much as I can't! If I'm being whiny and dramatic then it's my fucking right to be so!! Just fuck off all of you and I'll just be fine tomorrow!

"Hatha ermo'6anech! Mjabal talfezion ly elfayer oo noum ly el3a9er!"

Fuck him! What does he know about rm'6any! He wasn't even around! Why does he always have to put us down! Does he think that having a long beard puts him in good relations with Allah, and that gives him the right to be mean with his kids! Why doesn't he ever notice the good traits that we have? Does he always have to pick on what he thinks we're doing wrong? I know that he's weak unless I empower him, so why am I giving him control over my life! Even wife beaters are braver than him, at least those bruises heal, unlike the damage that he's causing that will never heal!

Why did my mom stay with him? Does she think that she's doing us a favor by doing that? Why does she always have to take his side? Why does he have to be nice to everyone, so when we complain everyone tells us that he's as holy as god! If he hates us that much then why can't he leave us and go pick on another family!

How come he's the only one who can make me feel this bad? How come it's his love that I yearn for and run away from at the same time? How come he doesn't like us this much but still manages to stick around? Does he find strength in causing us pain? Is it his way of saying I love you back?

I used to forgive him because he had a mentally abusive mom. He's messing us up because she messed him up before. But shouldn't he protect us from what he went through! He of all people should know that guilt triping your child will eventually lead them to snap!

I can't take being in this much pain for long. I won't stay, I'm not mom. I won't be the weak dumb women that I make fun of when they come up on TV! I just need to work for my ticket out of here, and not through marriage that is!

I want to hate him. I want to tell him how mean and weak he is. I want to hurt him just as much as he's hurting me. But because I love him I could only wish that he was gone!

17 comments:

The Stig said...

Yalla am gonna play Mr.Wise

since you have nothing to lose, and you're planning to get out of here.. Face him even if its not gonna make any difference. do it for fun !

Tell him everything you think he's doing wrong, and everything you hate about his actions.

We all been through this statment " bas TV o mako 9alat o noom lama akher el nahar" or "emsawe el bait fendeq"

but at the end it is cheaper than living alone.. khadama o 3 meals o shaded parking for the car :d

the price is that ugly parents. everyone dies :P

Sumaiah said...

I will never tell him, and do you know why? Because I'm breaking the cycle! It's really hard for me not to abuse anyone because I was raised on this, so I just abuse myself!

Those are not the only statements that he throws our way. He's a very mean guy, nothing is good enough for him. Through out my life he never made me feel that I achieved anything, and I graduated from college with a 3.56 GPA! I did a lot of other great things but I'm never able to enjoy them because no one ever told me "well done"! I try to show every one that I'm content and I don't need it but I really do! I sound really strong in real life that no one would ever know how much I'm in pain!

Ok wise guy u brought this drama upon urself, now beat it and let me get to my perky self again!:p

The Stig said...

Sound really strong in real life!

Malat 3al bamya ;@

Sumaiah said...

What? Why?
It's the best thing to do really! No one can help me so why wear it around my neck! U just put the perky mask on and everyone will live happily ever after. And I get to hope that soon I won't have to deal with it again!

Godless Saudi said...

most successful people had tough parents.

Sumaiah said...

Is that supposed to make me feel better? I could have a fatherly father and still be successful! I'm just sick of having a mean frowny face as a father!
5ala9 I'm sick of being dramatic over this, didn't I tell u all not to comment!

Godless Saudi said...

no, you would suck and fail. epic failure.

Sumaiah said...

Well, thank u. That made me all warm and fuzzy inside!

Agonized Vamp said...

ughhh, DooDa, ur followers r pain in the a$$ -_-

Sumaiah said...

Oh shut up, ur just jealous because my boys love me and you don't have anyone who loves you but me!:p
This is my lovely baby sister guys, what's not to love about her!:p

Godless Saudi said...

She likes Twilight... eww!

Sumaiah said...

She's different! I tried converting her, but she wouldn't budge! You can easily ignore it, but think of poor me, I live with that!

5/4 said...

"Hatha ermo'6anech! Mjabal talfezion ly elfayer oo noum ly el3a9er!"

oooh he reminds me of eli geltich 3anah bil email LOOOL suddenly all Mr. Priest now out of the sudden

you know hatha yekon fyouz '6areb ob mokh-hom LOOOL

i say la ta7regeen a39abich 3alaih iyeelich seker w '6a'36 ib sebitah its not worth it!

compare him to eli gelt lich 3anah bil email

thats elmadry shesmah nabeel whoever syndrome

i call el7ala eli it7osh-hom nabeel whothehellheis Syndrome

:P

u need to focus on urself and get a job asap so u wont need him

im not saying inah u should shut him off ur life forever bas u get my drift? (ashkara ibtalasht w ma3aref akamil..)

Vainglorious said...

Wow ana wainy 3an hal post? I'm missing all the love and fuzziness ;p

Take it easy on the boys their trying to be nice and preachy. Listen girly, no one can tell you what to do coz obviously u dont want to listen. So do what you want to do and at the end of the day we'll still be here taking the wrath of semo monster and still liking u even thou u stopped entertaining us!.. Shall I run for my life now? ;p

Sumaiah said...

Slashy:
He's not a hypocrite like the guy from the e-mail, he's the real deal. Except that he's a cool religious guy so that's by me. It's just that he had an abusive upbringing so that's why he's making us suffer, he's a good guy thu :)

Vainglorious:
I'm calling the cops on u! I tried warning u, I tried being mean, I would've slapped you if u were standing in front of me, but u still take it! Ur either stupid, or u all wove me and want to have monstrous babies with me (and I'm talking about both boys and girls here!):p

Because of that wise ass remark of urs, I'm going to consider starting a private blog for entertainment. I'll invite everyone in this whole wide world (shut up) except for u. I'll even serve vimto (or is it vemto? I hate that drink so I wouldn't bother checking!) and brownie upon entrance, and u missy won't get a thing!!

Agonized Vamp said...

Brownies~ *Q*
Ya make me some

Kuwaitiful said...

I have never seen so much love piled in one big post. I can almost sense the love between you and your dad, I wouldn't recommend a hug as his beard will intrude.

His your dad, yearning for his love is so very natural. Trying to hate him but just can't is just as much proportionally. You know whenever my dad completely pisses me off. I just relax and remember his actually my dad. His basically half the reason why I'm alive right now. He raised me, taught me, educated me and more importantly secured my life with food and shelter.

Regardless of how evil he is to me or rather to you, I will still forever be in utter debt to my dad.

I face the exact vice versa of the shoes your in. My dads way too open minded and I abide by all my religion rules, take them very seriously. He wants me to lighten up. He doesn't force me to but would want to.

Just wanted to say no matter how awful your dad treats you right now. His your dad, an exception.

Telling him to "F*** O**" in a public blog would be the last thing on earth I would urge you to do.

I know I want mr.smarty on you. But I couldn't just read all that and move on to the next post.

Just my 2fils.