Monday, August 30, 2010

Dilemma

It's a true dilemma when u have something to say but nowhere to say it. you can't utter the words, you can't publish it on your facebook account or your blog, you can't even use it as a personal massage for BBM! Because no matter where u place it, it will either hurt someone, or give someone the edge to hurt you! I might be a tough cookie, but being tough is the hardest thing to do, and I do it because I have to!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Not So Random

- I organize my novels by order of preference. This is my top shelf, so it contains my favorite novels.
- No one told me to count backward when I was being anesthetized.
- My healthy life style is not going well anymore.
- Even if I act like I'm over you, you're still going to be in my life.
- I'm bored from the moment that I wake up to the moment that I go back to sleep.
- I miss being loved!
- Even if I'm complaining right now, I'm still happy with the way life is going :)
- I miss my shows! Was going to catch up on them once I graduated, haven't done that yet!
- A large percentage of my body is covered with scars, 50% of those were self inflected.
- I love myself the most now.
- I thrive on confrontation some times, and run away from them other times.
- I think that once I leave home my life will be mine at last.
- I hate markers and post-its.
- I don't underline important info, in fact if you see anything underlined it means that I didn't read it!
- I think that I have early onset Alzheimer's.
- I know that I know more about myself but my brain is freezing up on me!
- Some times I just want someone to pamper me for a change.
- Other times I just want to be left alone.
- I'll joke and laugh no matter how bad I feel. I just don't think that anyone could help me but me so I just don't show it.
- I wake up with really messy hair, scary messy!
- I used to have a sore throat every day when I was younger!
- I'm very critical and cynical.
- I'm my own reality check.
- I burt every part of my body except for my face while cooking.
- I check if knives are sharp enough on my skin before cutting with them.
- If I don't cry that doesn't mean that I'm not in pain.
- My parents dysfunctional relationship is one of the main reasons to why I don't want to get married.
- No matter how good I am, I'm still not good enough.
- I am a good person no matter how bad I screw up.
- When I was younger I wanted an owl a snake and a lizard as pets, I still do!
- I'm very stubborn, you could never change my mind!
- I'm never wrong! Even if I was, which is never!:p
- This started out as a random post but then it turned personal and I don't feel like coming up with a title!
- My eyes speak what's going in my mind when words are no more appreciated, that's why I can't face you.
- I've never owned a pet that didn't die
- I hate rabbits, they look evil!
- My bed is shaped as a house, it's pink an purple (don't laugh!)! I love the concept but want to repaint it, but haven't found the energy to do so.
- Madry sheno ba3ad, I guess that's it! Yallah now go do something useful with your life!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I'm Hungry So You Have To Suffer Too!

- I drove to 360 for the first time today.
- I realized that my problems start at the parking lot, wella on the street I'm ok oo anyone behind me won't hate me!
- Woke up early today, didn't eat so7oor, I'm passing by yummy packed food, HUNGRY!

Ok now I'm hungry and bored! I'm gonna go burn some more fingers once I get home :p

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Introducing Nawal

Nawal is my aunt who has Down syndrome. She's the sweetest and purest person ever to walk this earth, but she's known by her endless temper tantrums.

When I was young I didn't use to have any special bond with her, as far as I was concerned she was my aunt and nothing more. Now that I'm older I came to realize how much she had to suffer, having down's in a time when being different made life much harder. To us and anyone our age she's a person, but to people her age she's crippled. I could only imagine how much she suffered as a young person. was she bullied? was she left out of play groups? Did she have any friends?

Because I know that her life must've been tougher than mine, I now try my best to make her feel loved. I listen to her when she's in a chatty mood. I try to distract her when she demands tea (she's addicted to tea and I hate serving it to her because she's already having some health problems because of it) by offering juice. I try to calm her down when she gets agitated. I just try to be her friend.

When I first started doing this I didn't want anything in return but to my surprise I got plenty! By befriending Nawal I started to feel good. First when she started demanding kisses, and then when she started hugging me all the time. It might not seem like much to you, but I've never seen her hug anyone but me. With her I feel loved, she's purifying me.

The only problem with Nawal is that she's not a big fan of my favorite sister Mesho. For a reason that none of us know she just doesn't like her! La oo tetballa 3alaiha ba3ad 7abebty!:p

Nawal has her own vocabulary, I'll share some with you. I won't share her cursing vocabulary thu:p

- ma beda5ty = I'm not talking to you, you're no friend of mine.
- dottor= doctor, that's what she calls my sisters because they're doctors. She's very smart:)
- bedla= food
- safey= travel
- allaby= thief
- Allah = pray

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Who Raped the Sun Out of it's Shine!

I did:p
The photo above is of an outfit that I've started wearing for some reason. I'm more of a no prints neutral colors girl, but out of no where I started liking this 8amee9! The thing is that it's too bright and will give anyone walking by me temporary blindness!:p

I still love it and will keep on wearing it. The question is will u?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Can Officially Drive

I GOT MY DRIVING LICENSE!:D

Ok I do admit that I got it a week ago, so this is really not too new! Bs ever since I received my license I've been using it as my BBM picture, I've published it on my facebook account, and if it was up to me I'd punch a hole in it and wear it around my neck!:p

So it's only normal that u all get to see it. You all have to understand that I'm 21 and just driving, so if I sound like I'm "mo m9adga" it's because I am! That doesn't exactly mean that I'm trilled and over the moon. I've actually been avoiding driving since I passed my try! Everyone outside have been driving since ages and I've just started out and it's really scary. On the only occasion elly tanazalt feha oo segt (from Qurain to the avenues) 7asait lawadem kelhom bekaf5ony! Ya3ny what if I drove as if I owned the stupid street! Laish tsawoon salfa etha rekabt e6ereej! And if it took me 5 minutes to park, what's the big deal?

People, it's not as if you were born good drivers. Everybody has to learn, so give me the chance to do so!

Ps: I'm not sure where those pictures will be placed so if they look stupid so be it!:p

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I <3 Rama'6an

Ever since I was a very young girl, rama'6an have always been my favorite month of the year. Even though I mentioned more that once that I'm not that spiritually active, I've never missed fasting during rama'6an. There's something in the air that just puts everything in perspective!

This year I started my rama'6an with an over-dued apology to a person that used to be so dear to my heart but I chose to hurt. I don't know if that person will ever forgive me, but I had to give them closure for me to forgive myself.

It might sound sad, but I've always had the feeling that I'm not a good person If I'm causing that much damage. It took me a lot of convincing from my friends, and the unconditional love that my down syndrome aunt showers me with to realize that I must be doing something right. This realization also took place at the 1st of rama'6an.

I've also welcomed this month with a prayer, something that I haven't done in a long time. I haven't felt this good and content in ages, and I'm really glad that I'm getting to experience this again. Even if this feeling didn't last (yemken agabes 3alla nafsy mathalan!:p) el7emdelellah for honoring me with such immense happiness now.

I'm even starting to bond with my mom! That's something that I thought will never happen, but I guess I'm growing older and smarter :)

Now I'm trying to memorize sorat elkahf. I don't read 8or2an because I find following all of the tashkelat and modood so hard, so I thought maybe if I memorized sorat elkahf I'll start reciting it every friday. I'm going to a mo3takaf were we sit and memorize in the sora in a proper way and I'm listening to it nonstop on my mobile because I want to learn it correctly. I'm nearly half way through, so wish me luck!

Rama'6an is officially the month that keeps on giving. Mbarak 3alaikom eshahar all:*

I wanted to post this since the beginning of rama'6an bs my blog was acting up and it was sending me all types of errors. I'm now using the email 2 blog feature and wishing that it will actually work! I missed u all, but I missed blogging even more!:p

Sunday, August 8, 2010

2 Digit Number

Elyoum chayakt 3alla my bank account and I was shocked to see a two digit number! It's been a long time since I had this little money, I feel so madry! ‬‬ ‪‪

 ‬‬‪When I first started college I used to save out of my e3ana (don’t ask me how but I did it! I had simpler needs back then maybe), and for some time I had a saving of 4 digits (even if for a short time!). Something happened along the way and I starting spending like crazy but still I had a comfy cushion to lean on.‬‬‪‪ ‬‬

Now that I have no income and I still have to pay some expenses I'm really starting to freak out! I don’t want to have to ask someone for anything, I never did and I never want to do it! I really need to be employed; I need to work and start saving again, because if I had my savings still I wouldn’t have to live with this fear!‬‬‪‪ ‬‬‪‪

The reason to why I'm still not hyper ventilating is that mom and dad did the best thing that a parent could do for a child and started a saving account for all of us. It's not that much but it's enough to live out of for 6 months to one year depending on how lavish I choose to live. Even though that money is available for me I kind of wanted to keep it and double it or so to get something for my parents for thinking about our future, but I guess now I'll have to wait for a more suitable time I guess!‬‬

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Cooking Mama

Lately I've been spending all of my free time cooking because I kind of feel like I have no purpose in life. Cooking have always been one of the few things that I actually enjoy doing, and I have plenty of mouths to feed, so you'd think that it's a win-win situation, right? Well think again!

The problem is that I'm cooking vast amounts of food (some days I'll even try three new recipes at the same time!), and one of my sisters just got engaged and she doesn't want me to fatten her up! Everybody's telling me not to make anything but then once I stop they start asking! The good thing is that I've never been tempted to try what I cook so I'm still losing weight welkel 7a8ed 3aley!:p

I never thought that I'll enjoy being at home, with no studies and all. But I realized even if I'm staying at home, that doesn't stop me from accomplishing something! Right now I'm making peanut butter and jam cookies, care for some?:p