While I was cleaning my room I realized that I'm extremely self destructive! I not only do stuff that hurt me physically, I also keep things that are bound to keep me in a bad state of guilt, regret, and plain desperation! I keep stuff that remind me of my failures, of the persons who left me, and I keep stuff that remind me of the people whom I've pushed away.
All my life I've been willingly suffering to punish myself for allowing those things to happen because no matter how ugly it gets I always have it easy! No one ever screamed at me for hurting them, no one ever punished me for breaking the rules, and no one ever cared enough when I messed up, so it lays upon my shoulder to keep me on the straight and narrow, to keep me from believing that I'm a goddess and I could get away with anything.
Do I over do it some times? Yes, all the time and it's really hard for me not to be extremely hard on myself, but I set a goal a long time ago and I believe that it's time to get it over with. My goal was to eliminate clutter whether be it physical or emotional and that's why those reminders had to go. It was very hard doing so, and I had the urge to dig those reminders out of the recycle bin or the garbage bin but I didn't:)
Now all I have lift is a box that I need to send back to it's owner, which is not going to be fun! And a larger box which I'll dispose of later on because I didn't have the heart to do it now. I admit that I didn't feel lighter instantly, but I believe that now when I'm feeling down I'll have less reasons to stay down, and I'm very proud of myself for finding the courage to make that happen:)