Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Eliminating Clutter

While I was cleaning my room I realized that I'm extremely self destructive! I not only do stuff that hurt me physically, I also keep things that are bound to keep me in a bad state of guilt, regret, and plain desperation! I keep stuff that remind me of my failures, of the persons who left me, and I keep stuff that remind me of the people whom I've pushed away.

All my life I've been willingly suffering to punish myself for allowing those things to happen because no matter how ugly it gets I always have it easy! No one ever screamed at me for hurting them, no one ever punished me for breaking the rules, and no one ever cared enough when I messed up, so it lays upon my shoulder to keep me on the straight and narrow, to keep me from believing that I'm a goddess and I could get away with anything.

Do I over do it some times? Yes, all the time and it's really hard for me not to be extremely hard on myself, but I set a goal a long time ago and I believe that it's time to get it over with. My goal was to eliminate clutter whether be it physical or emotional and that's why those reminders had to go. It was very hard doing so, and I had the urge to dig those reminders out of the recycle bin or the garbage bin but I didn't:)

Now all I have lift is a box that I need to send back to it's owner, which is not going to be fun! And a larger box which I'll dispose of later on because I didn't have the heart to do it now. I admit that I didn't feel lighter instantly, but I believe that now when I'm feeling down I'll have less reasons to stay down, and I'm very proud of myself for finding the courage to make that happen:)


Coconut said...

I used to keep a box with every beautiful memory I had, in the end, and as the years went by I discovered that what I thought was just a beautiful memory was actually hurting me, clinging to the past was destructive, like I was always stuck there. Got rid of everything. It wasn't easy, but because I was able to do it once, it's now very easy for me to erase any trace of any memory very easily. said...

I'm in the process of packing my clutter and getting ready to move back home.

My mom tells me "don't pack any rubbish, just important stuff!!"

I'm not ready to sort out the emotional clutter like you're doing.

So I started off with "useful" stuff, stuff that has monetary value.

I packed my books and my dvds and my video games.

I felt like I was packing for a fricking dead person.

3 boxes, 20kg each. This person's net worth, their net value, has been reduced to 3 boxes, just over 60kg.

This is all I amount to. Quarter of a century old, and nothing to show for it but dusty books and greasy dvds and video games.

It's enough to make anyone depressed.

Sumaiah said...

That's exactly what I realized!
Ur in charge of ur life mashallah, I wish that one day I'll be the same:)

Ur coming home, how does that feel?

Well, ur worth much more than I am! I only have some books and the complete L Word DVDs! Now that's what u call depressing!!
At least u have ur degrees and friends and ppl who love u, and those are things that u can't put a tag on:)

5/4 said...

I did that before.

Took the box.. examined each picture and burned them all with my father.

I felt free.

I believe you should do the same because some memories are meant to be buried.

What's done is done....... there's no use in dwelling at the past.

Sumaiah said...

I threw some of them out and I just have to find the energy to throw what's left, and all will be forgotten inshallah:)