Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Introducing Mesho

Mesho is the most important person in my life, so I thought that It's only normal that she gets a post. Mesho is my baby, well actually she's my baby sister, but she's not really a baby, she's 19!

Growing up I didn't have anyone to go to when I needed advice and guidance, and I didn't want her to go through that so I vowed that I'll be the sister that I never had to her. I do admit that I spoil her rotten, but I can't help but be over protective of her, and as hard as I try I can't stay mad at her for more than 5 minutes!

Enough with the introductions and let's get to know the girl who stole my heart. She's the youngest girl on the household (we're 6 girls in total, big family say mashallah:p), she's into animes and manga and all things Japanese, and she's planning to live in japan when she gets older and more independent financially. She loves the twilight saga (and is trying to win VIP tickets by solving crumbs challenge as I type this!) and she tends to giggle at the sight of Edward and Taylor (which is really fun to see:p). She almost always speaks before she thinks, which makes her sound stupid when she really isn't! She loves wearing black and she's the biggest drama queen that ever walked on earth. She loves food but can't even preheat the oven, which is my fault because when she asks for anything I get the recipe from the net and cook it for her. She makes the craziest facial expressions and noises. She could be the best person to be around or the worst depending on her mood. She has the craziest taste in friends, and she cares too much about what people think of her. I could write a whole book about her but everyone will lose interest so I'll just stop her. I could only end this by saying that she's my favorite person in this whole world and I love her the most:*

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Waste of Space

A lot of the bloggers who I respect have been posting in arabic so I thought maybe I should give it a try myself! The problem with me and arabic is that it's not easy to code switch when writing with it wella ma 3endy moshkela ma3a! Enjoy:p

اليوم رحت معا خواتي و بنات خالتي ٣٦٠ عشان أنا و ميشو كنا نبي أغراض من جيان و أختي لكبيرة كانت تبي كوفي ريبابلك و بنات خالتي يو فوق البيعة. لما شفت ماركس اند سبنسرز جان أتذكر أبي براز (جمع برا مو يروح فكركم الحمام!) و تذكرت لازم أصور حق حفلة التخرج بس ما عندي هدوم نظيفة (مالي خلق أغسل كيفي! و ما راح أصور ابجامة!!) جان أكتئب لانا مودي مو تسوق! المهم، حست شوي بس ما لقيت شي على مزاجي سو قررت أرد البيت أغسل هدومي و باجر بصور إن شاء الله (إي يصير خير)!

نزلت جيان بعدين عشان كنت أبي كورن فلايكس و لبن شتورة و أكتيفيا فراولة (مو تقولولي بينك بيري الله يزيد النعمة! ماكو على روب الفواكه) و لما خلصت رحت ماربل سلاب اللي ما أشتهي لأنا أختي اللي في البيت تبي (تنحت الله يهداها معني قتلها بيذوب و يصير ويييع!)! وأنا قاعد اطلب أحد اتصل علي و نسيت أقولا يغطي سو لعوزني حدا بالطريج سو كرهتا زيادة بعد!:(

بعدين ردينا البيت رقصنا و حطينا ميك أب حق ميشو طلع نايس بس ما عجبها! و الحين أمي غاصبتنا نشوف مسلسل تعيس صايرة حدها دكتاتورية بس شنقول غير الله كريم!

أدري البوست سخيف و ما له داعي بس حدي ملانة و ما عندي سالفة و أبي أضيع وقت و بس:q

Friday, June 25, 2010

Exposed

A couple of weeks ago my laptop died on me, so I gave it to my cousin to fix it. What I didn't realize until yesterday was that my laptop is full of pictures, and not any pictures they're pictures of me in ehm.. Skimpy positions!! And to top it all, even though when I turned 20 I got rid of my porn stash I was stupid enough to keep one of the first movies that I had 3ashan madry it had sentimental values believe it or not!:p

So yesterday my cousin sent me an instant msg telling me to call him because he wants to talk to me ASAP but I wasn't at home so I told him that I'll call once I get home and I continued shopping. A couple of minutes later he was calling and the conversation went like this (hatha elmo5ta9ar elmofeed!:p):

B: *angry* "why is your laptop full of your pictures?"
Me: *acting all innocent as if she didn't know what he's talking about* "because it's my laptop! Ya3ny where else would I put my pictures?"
B: *getting frustrated* "how many times did I tell you to not keep pictures on your laptop?"
Me: *hoping that he only saw the decent photos* "why not put them on the laptop ya3ny what's going to happen! It's not the end of the world!!"
B: "no it isn't because I took your laptop to some one I trusted bs you could never be sure!"
Me: "I'm not going to stop my life because of crazy people out there! Ya3ny wetha besawe fehom shay so what! I didn't mean for them to be used that way and it's not my problem that there are plenty of twisted people around!"
B: *gave up on me* "la twagfeen 7ayatech yuba rasech salem! Bs ana agool chethy mn 5ofy 3alaich!"
Me: "ok, thank you but I really can't see the point!"

And that's ladies and gentlemen is what I call foug shainha oo gowat 3ainha! Because when I opened my laptop today I found the dreaded folder, so akeed the person who recovered all files have seen those pictures, and what's even worse is that my cousin has definitely seen them! 7ady feny bachwa, I feel so exposed! I took those pictures because I was bored and didn't have anything else to do! Ambay I don't know if I could look him in the eye again! The only positive outcome of all of this is that now I don't think that he'll ever flirt with me again lanna I'm not innocent Sumaiah anymore!:p

I try to joke only to mask the humiliation, bs it's not working!! Maybe I should forget about zwara, and that way I'll never see him again! I should probably delete him from my bbm too! Waaaaaaaiy eft why me ya3ny! 7ady '6ayeg 5elgy:(

Welly ebe6 echabd enna elly 9ala7 my laptop couldn't recover my documents! Ya3ny ma mena fayda I lost all my work! Ma teshai6ar ella 3alla my pictures!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Eliminating Clutter

While I was cleaning my room I realized that I'm extremely self destructive! I not only do stuff that hurt me physically, I also keep things that are bound to keep me in a bad state of guilt, regret, and plain desperation! I keep stuff that remind me of my failures, of the persons who left me, and I keep stuff that remind me of the people whom I've pushed away.

All my life I've been willingly suffering to punish myself for allowing those things to happen because no matter how ugly it gets I always have it easy! No one ever screamed at me for hurting them, no one ever punished me for breaking the rules, and no one ever cared enough when I messed up, so it lays upon my shoulder to keep me on the straight and narrow, to keep me from believing that I'm a goddess and I could get away with anything.

Do I over do it some times? Yes, all the time and it's really hard for me not to be extremely hard on myself, but I set a goal a long time ago and I believe that it's time to get it over with. My goal was to eliminate clutter whether be it physical or emotional and that's why those reminders had to go. It was very hard doing so, and I had the urge to dig those reminders out of the recycle bin or the garbage bin but I didn't:)

Now all I have lift is a box that I need to send back to it's owner, which is not going to be fun! And a larger box which I'll dispose of later on because I didn't have the heart to do it now. I admit that I didn't feel lighter instantly, but I believe that now when I'm feeling down I'll have less reasons to stay down, and I'm very proud of myself for finding the courage to make that happen:)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Flirting

When does innocent flirting stop being innocent and become plain flirting? I ask this because I have this cousin who I love as a brother, and treat like a best friend, but recently that cousin have started to flirt in ways that didn't feel comfortable! I feel that it's going to get out of hand because I don't want to get involved with anyone, especially not him or any of my cousins lanna we're so close that I can't think of them as more than siblings!

So what do I do now! Do I stop talking to him via bbm? But if I did stop that might ruin our friendship! Plus I love talking to him because he's a funny guy, and I really need funny right now! I'm kind of hoping that I'm only imaging this, or that it's just how he talks with everyone!

I do admit that I some times flirt back but in a more subtle way and I really don't think that I made him cross the line because I know that some of you may think it! I never insinuated that I wanted more, and I don't believe that my flirting could've been interpreted as anything but innocent! Why do guy have to ruin everything? Why can't they be complicated and start viewing relationships as something that has layers!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Garlic Head

Even though my head smells like a kitchen I can't help but be satisfied with what I achieved yesterday. I look at my room now and I actually can see floor, who would've thought that my room has a floor! And yes I know that I'm only half way through bs it's an achievement compared with what it used to be!
I also managed to not eat all day long, and stuck to three meals and 2 light snacks. After doing all of that I must've been high on achievement so I decided to a7e6 garlic on my hair because it's been falling like crazy, ma3ana I don't like putting smelly things on my hair! I thought that I would wash my hair and the stink will immediately go away, but boy was I wrong! I put bo5or and I even rubbed musk into my scalp but it still stinks!!
and what made it even worse is that I had to go to college today to get some signatures! Bs with the help of 6eeb, musk, bo5oor, and gahwa no one noticed the stink but me:)
I also got to watch Shrik which was ok, but not as good as the second one! So what have u all been doing these two days?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

To Do...

Things I want to do now that I graduated:
- Clean my room: my room have always been messy but now its unrecognizable, not to mention that it's a hazard wana a5af 3alla 7ayate 9ara7atan!:p

- Drive: I've delayed driving long enough and I know that if I stayed at home I'll either commit suicide or kill my whole family! So 7efa'6an 3alla my barely there sanity I'll learn how to drive to aheet:)

- Lose weight: I've always been over weight but since the beginning of this semester I've been eating none stop and I went from being over weight to being obese!! Now I not only want to go back to my previous weight, I want to be healthy again! The last time I was within the healthy weight category I was 9 or even younger! My problem is that I'm an emotional eater and I managed to numb life's misery by food! I don't blame my sucky life for the state that I'm in today, I know that I'm the only one to blame and that's why I'll try to fix me:)

- Join a gym: its kind of a subgoal, because it's part of my plan to be healthy.

- Try to be more religious: I have commitment issues so it's really hard for me to do things regularly, and praying and reading Quraan is not excluded unfortunately! I know that it's wrong and that I should change to the best but as hard as I've tried I never succeeded in doing so! But that doesn't stop me from trying again! That should count for something, right!

- Be socially active: I'm not really a social person, I do participate in social events and people seem to enjoy having me around, it's just that I hate pretending to care, I hate smiling, chitchating and putting a face that I don't feel comfortable wearing! bs I'm hoping that when I start feeling better about myself, I will learn how to feel better around people.

This is getting to be too long! I know that I could come up with more, like volunteering or crocheting or something, but for your sake I'll stop at that!:p

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Finally!

I just came back from my final final! I think my sisters are preparing a surprise for me! I hope they have food because I'm very hungry:s

Now all I have to do is wait for my grades and then sign my e5la2 6araf then get my degree. But the most important question remains, to go to the college graduation or not to go! I think that our students committee will fuck it up, and I don't like a lot of the students that I go to school with so spending another day with them doesn't interest me much!
I want to throw my own party but my sister keeps telling me that it's too highschooly!! Bs etha dashat elfekra brasy I will do it lanna its my graduation so kaify!

What else what else! Nothing really, I'm just too hungry to think!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Incoherent Post

I'm trying to distract myself from thinking about Tuesday the 15th and the days separating me from graduating because every time I think of that I get the feeling that something bad is about to happen! So for the sake of my barely there sanity I want to run away from current day and go back to simpler times when I was plane crazy for no apparent reasons!:p

I had an operation not to long ago to remove my gall bladder but my wounds took ages to heal so my sister told me that she'll just remove my stitches at home bedal ma nroo7 wenred kel shway and I said ok because I hate doctors (she's a doctor too but she's my sister so I don't hate her as much:p)! So one day she told me tomorrow I'll remove ur stitches, and I was like yaaaaiy finally! But guess what, tomorrow came and she forgot her sucher kit! I was beyond angry so I went to my bathroom, brook my razor, took out one of the blades, and removed the stitches of one of the wounds on my own! I only stopped at one because I took out the stitches while the wound was still fresh (as my doctor called it!) And it took 3 more weeks to heel! But the good thing is that it lift a bad as scar!:p
My friends call me motawa7esha for a reason! But it's not my problem that I have impulses that I can't control!:p

On a none related point, I'm craving subways tuna sandwich like crazy, but the thing is I hate tuna!! It's smell, it's nasty pasty feeling in my mouth, I just utterly and totally hate it! But I'll go get me some soon because I'm worse than a pregnant lady, and if I didn't eat some tuna sandwiches hell will break loose!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Laptop Drama

My stupid laptop is acting up, it's not starting up! And the problem is that I have a final paper due on the 15th oo kl she'3ly 3ala that stupid piece of crap!! I hate technology!:(

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Sexual Frustration

First of all this post is going to get sexual, it’s going to talk about me and my insane views a preferences, and it's going to be a waste of time to anyone who reads it. So if you're not a fan of me, and you don’t appreciate sexual discussions please spare yourself the agony of reading this post.

It started out with a young girl (a very young girl) learning about sex from a porn magazine with the help of the girl next door. what that girl saw was fascinating, was magical, maybe a bit twisted too, but that little girl was too sick of playing perfect and not getting any rewards. That event helped shape the weird person who's typing this post, you see, that little girl learned that day that being good wasn’t the right thing for her. She learned that she's a rebel, she's unique, she's not satisfied, and that she wanted more.

The little girl grew up on porn and sexual drama to be me with all my glory. 3gb elmo8adema elly ma kan laha da3y I'll start with the post:p

To me sex is a currency, it's an exchange between two consenting adults, this definition is kind of normal right! Well, the interesting thing is that I just cant think of sex as a result of a loving relation ship!! To me a relation ship is too sacred to be tainted with sexual drama, too virgin if I may say. Its true that I'm too horny for my own good, but in my past relationships I couldn’t think of what would happen next! I loved being around that person but the thought of turning the great thing that we had into something that will consume that love just scared me and made me push that person away. I believe in relationships, but I believe in one night stands even more. I believe that sexual craving should be taken care of away from the frame that binds two! I know it sounds crazy but that's how I feel! I feel that if I ever wanted to be in a successful relationship, I have to have something on the side!

A little reassurance to all my readers (all three of you:p), I'm not a prostitute! I don’t sleep around, what I wrote is what I feel but I'm a person who doesn’t act on her feelings because they're too crazy! I respect myself far too much to act that way, and that’s why I'll forever be sexually frustrated!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Stupid Stupid Girl!

Yours truly woke up at 5am to study for her final, went to college an hour early to settle, surfed the net to cool her nerves, checked her facebook account only to find out the today's her friend's birthday, was happy for a minute, then went "how come!" Today's 7/6 and her friend's birthday's 6/6!! "No wait it is 6/6!" stupid Sumaiah said with a Stupid look on her face! She open Kuwait university's site only to find out the her stupidity didn't end at the previous mistake, if that was even possible (well it is possible since that’s what happened!!) and that even if today was the 7th she was studying the wrong subject!!!

Never in my academic life was I that stupid, madry what's happening to me! Bs loooool 3alla '3aba2y! ma 3araft achayek 3alla my phone! Ma 3araft achayek 3alla sa3ty! Ma 3araft achayek 3alla jadwely elma7thoof yam elsereer! Bs 3araft agoom mn elfayer adres waroo7 elkoleya 3gb atthakar achayek!! Gazma!

Now I can't even talk like a normal person from the lack of blood supply going to my brain due to scorching heat and lack of sleep! And to top it all there's no one to pick me from school and I hate myself for being stubborn and not driving! "I'll drive when I graduate, I don’t want any distractions" stupid stupid girl!! eft 3alay!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Last Day of lectures:)

Today was my last day of lectures ever! I feel madry shloun and just depressed because no one's taking me out or acknowledging the fact that I should be celebrated! It's not that I was expecting much, but a girl is allowed to dream! Any ways, I'm just happy that it's about to be over, three finals and I'll be free:)
15/6 you can't come sooner!!