Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I’m in so much pain, this semester is killing me wallah. I’m too tired to even take a bath! Every action is too much, any effort makes me even more depressed if that was possible! I want to sleep but I can’t and even if I managed to, it’s not of good quality, and every moment spent trying to go to sleep adds agony! I want to cry but I’m not capable to do that anymore, I’m dead inside as people say!

Have you ever felt that a song was written for you? Every time I listen to coldplay’s fix you I feel like it was written about my suffering on my stupid capstone project. Wallah I’m doing my best but I’m not succeeding and it’s frustrating.

If I was socially retarded before I don’t know what I am now! I have taken to telling people to “go kiss a frog” when I no longer want to talk to them, it sounds childish mo! Because it is childish, I’m turning into a crappy mood asshole of a giant child and I’m hating it!

People who know me must want to kill me and I really don’t blame them, I want to kill me!!


5/4 said...

I ask Allah inah yefarij 3alaich hamich..

Have you talked to your teacher?? Have you told them that you're trying all your best but it's not working?

I had a teacher once who didn't give me an F- (Well he gave me a D- which is a miracle) because he said he knows eni I'm doing my best. I repeated his class before and I was careless but he liked how I have changed.

I don't like talking to people and I have no friends at all. I enjoy being by myself (I'm certain I suffer from Asperger's Syndrome..) but I picked up a hobby for myself. I'm collecting games and playing them too.. it helps me a lot through my depression. Also I'm planning to read Quran inshallah and finish it.

I also am trying to pray everyday..

Love u :*

Sumaiah said...

Thank u 7abebty, ajma3een ya rab:*

Yes I keep telling her that I'm tired and I can't redo anything else! But she always goes "l2 ento sawo hatha oo 5ala9 ba7thkom bekoon kamel", she doesn't understand that it's not a masters paper!!

Maybe I should find me a new hobby! Because my favorite thing in the world was reading, but now mn kether ma garait for school I'm no longer capable of reading for fun!

That's great, I hope u succeed in doing that:)
Because I for one find reading Quran really hard because of all the tashkelat! I always get them wrong then get frustrated and stop! And praying is another issue!! I know enna I need to clean up my act and start being a good muslim if I wanted to feel better but its doesn't come easy with me for some reason!:(

Thank u again honey for those great advises:*
Ur a great person, don't let anybody fool u into thinking other wise! Love u too honey:*

5/4 said...

To hell with her, then! Do whatever you can and don't push yourself to the extreme.

I'm positive you'll succeed.

Entay tefa2elay BAS!! Don't show her you're weak and let her be demanding.

Be bossy eshwaya 3ala ras-ha.

It's never too late to change! :*

Sumaiah said...

The problem is that I'm a nerd, doctor's pet! Doctors know that I will do anything for an A, and they know about my potentials, but the thing is that I don't like working all the time! I want to work on my own accord meta ma aby kether ma aby!!

Ana agool chethy ba3ad! I'll do this last thing and if she still wants more I'll tell her to go kiss a frog!:p

Thank u 7abebty for the kind words, ur an angel:**