Sunday, May 30, 2010

Photo Post

I feel random, so random you shall get!:p

College gear:


Laptop bag (AKA the brick): mn kether mahy thgela nobody volunteers to yshelha for me ella my baby brother 3amoor 7abeby:*


My Laptop: i will never set hand on it once i graduate!


PAPERS


MORE PAPERS


My beloved bag: minimum of 2 statments:p


What's inside my bag! yes there's a baby's bottle, its my cousin's I forgot it mn elyem3a! his mom has been looking for it ever since!:p


Shoes: being a girl doesn't automatically make you girly!!


More shoes: i drew this for a class that i took a long time ago, I'm not always that good la testansoun!


Baby meeeeee: who dares say that I'm not cute! A bit Depressed but cute none the less! A7ebneeeeee:**

Loool I think that I'm Losing my mind!!:p



100 Truths

I've been dying to do this tag since ages! 7atta gabl ma asawely blog!! Now I have an excuse!:p

1. Last beverage : Water
2. Last phone call: Dr. 5aled from KISR
3. Last instant message: Ranting about capstone with one of the girls
4. Last song you listened to: I don't remember! Something by three days grace
5. Last time you cried : a long time ago
6. Last text message: My partner from KISR training course telling me that we should start working on the power point:(

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black
13. White
14. Grey

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend : I don't make friends easily!
16. Fallen out of love : No
17. Laughed until you cried : No
18. Met someone who changed your life: No
19. Found out who your true friends were : You could say that
20. Found out someone was talking about you : Yes
21. Have you kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list: Yes
22. How many people on your Facebook friends list do you know in real life: All of them
23. How many kids do you want to have: I hate kids
24. Do you have any pets: No
25. Do you want to change your name: No
26. What did you get for your last birthday: stuff! I don't feel like listing!
27. What time did you wake up today : 7:30 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Trying to sleep
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Getting out of here!
30. Last time you saw your father: yesterday
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My surroundings
32. What are you listening to right now: humming of the water cooler!
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Not yet
34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now: my nerves are not awake yet!
35. Most visited webpage: google.com, 3amy google how will I ever live without u!
36: what’s your real name: Sumaiah
37. Nicknames: Semo
38. Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
40. Male or female: Female
44. University: College for Fuckers
45. Hair color : Bonny mchathy! Wallah it has no life!!
46. Long or short : n9 n9
47. Are you a health freak: looooool if u've seen me u wouldn't even dare ask that!:p
48. Height: 167cm
49. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes, 3 instructors at KISR, loool I'm a whore!:p
50: What do you like about yourself: I don't know! I'm smart I guess!
51. What don’t you like about yourself : I'm very stubborn and self destructive
52. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :

53. First surgery: laparoscopic cholecystectomy, for my GB stones
54. First piercing: Earrings
55. Your first best friend: I'd rather not talk about that!
56. First award: Does tafawo8 count?
57. First sport you joined: I'm not athletic
58. First pet: Either a kasko or a cat, I don't remember what came first
59. First vacation: Jordan
60. First concert: that's a dream that's waiting to happen
61. First crush: I don't remember! Had plenty of those!

WHAT ARE YOU?

62. Eating : Nothing
63. Drinking: Nothing
64. I’m about to: Go to college
65. Listening to: Nothing
66. Waiting for: Graduation

YOUR FUTURE :

67. Want kids : Never
68. Want to get married: Do I look crazy! Then nooooo!
69. Careers in mind: Environmental Researcher:)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

70. Lips or eyes: Lips
71. Hugs or kisses: Kisses
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: ummmm, I want both! Not fair!!:(
74. Sensitive or loud: LOUD
75. Hook-up or relationship: Hook-up
76. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker
77. Lefty or Righty: Wouldn't change a thing!!
78. Shorter or taller: Taller
79. Older or Younger: The older the better! I'm a sucker for older married guys, they're just sooo delicious!

HAVE YOU EVER :

80. Lost glasses/contacts: broke mo lost!
81. Ran away from home: Almost! But I'm going to:)
82. kissed a stranger: Yes, long story!
83. Drank Pepsi: Yes
84. Broken someone’s heart: Yes
85. Been arrested : Lel2asaf l2!
86. Turned someone down: Yes
87. Cried when someone died: Yes
88. Liked a guy/girl friend?: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. Yourself: Some times
90. Miracles: No
91. Love at first sight: No
92. Heaven: Yes
93. Santa Claus: No
94. Kiss on the first date : No

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

96. Are you happy with your life: Not at this moment
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: Not really
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: Does one of each count?
99. Do you believe in God: Yes
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Yes

Saturday, May 29, 2010

"Sumayo na'6fy darech tyeeb emara'6 beye6la3 feha feran!"
Me: 5al at5araj awal!

"Sumayo 9ayra eshmetnech meta bte'63efeen? Enty meno ga3d t3andeen ya3ny!"
Me: ma ga3d a3aned a7ad, sekto 3any al7een 5al at5araj 3gb 7achony!

"Sumayo mn zeman ma sawaity cheese cake"
Me: esta'3fer allah!!

Sumayo this, sumayo that, I don't want to hear that name again!! What scares me is what if I still couldn't achieve what's being asked of me even after I graduate! And what scares me even more is that I don't do good this semester and not graduate!!

I've had to fulfill everyone's expectations all the time, and even when I had the courage to break away from family's demands, I have to fulfill doctor's expectations, friend's expectations, and first of all my expectations! I hate feeling like a failure all the time!!:(

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Te7el6em

I’m in so much pain, this semester is killing me wallah. I’m too tired to even take a bath! Every action is too much, any effort makes me even more depressed if that was possible! I want to sleep but I can’t and even if I managed to, it’s not of good quality, and every moment spent trying to go to sleep adds agony! I want to cry but I’m not capable to do that anymore, I’m dead inside as people say!

Have you ever felt that a song was written for you? Every time I listen to coldplay’s fix you I feel like it was written about my suffering on my stupid capstone project. Wallah I’m doing my best but I’m not succeeding and it’s frustrating.

If I was socially retarded before I don’t know what I am now! I have taken to telling people to “go kiss a frog” when I no longer want to talk to them, it sounds childish mo! Because it is childish, I’m turning into a crappy mood asshole of a giant child and I’m hating it!

People who know me must want to kill me and I really don’t blame them, I want to kill me!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Keys to Happiness!

Only I could go to a lecture called keys to happiness and leave teary eyed! Its not like I didn't have fun, because I did! I laughed and I even participated, but I couldn't help but feel guilty for being happy! Guilty because I didn't call my project partner so that we start working! Guilty because I'm laughing while my friend is in pain! Guilty because I smile and nod when the doctor says some negative thing that people do and I recognize it in me!
I have no excuse to be negative, that I know! But what if I'm too scared of being positive, because if I'm happy then I have no excuse to be not satisfied!!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Me All Over Again

One of my younger cousin's turning into the teenager that I used to be, and believe me that's not a good thing! You see, I was a neglected child, I wasn't abused or anything I was just never taken care of. So as I grew older and became a teenager I did every bad thing that a teenager could do to get noticed. I self injured, I smoked, I did cocktail drugs, I rebelled and didn't study (coming from a family of over achievers that was the biggest betrayal). All my efforts went down the drains since no one looked hard enough to see the signs. Thankfully, I grew up and learned that no one will ever care about me but me, so I stopped (kindda! I'm only human so don't judge!!).

So now going back to my cousin who's a preteen right now, she's neglected and showing most of the signs so what should I do! Do I adopt her emotionally! But how when I'm emotionally crippled myself! Do I tell her mom that she's ruining her! I really can't because I had a touch with her when I was an angry teenager and our relationship never went back to normal, and even if we were cool how do you tell a mom that she's fucking up her daughter!

The thing is that the girl is very nice and I'd really hate to see her go through what I went through. I don't want her feeling like a failure, someone who's not worthy of being cared for, because that's what neglected children always feel like. So what should I do?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Nonsense

I am bored and I'm sitting alone with nothing to do and no one to talk to. I want to write but the word in my mind are so scattered to make sense. I find myself asking who am I and what am I trying to prove by writing this? The only answer I could come up with is that writing makes me feel... Free!
I miss the days when life was taken for granted, I miss the days when actions didn't mean a thing, and most important of all I miss myself as I was at that time.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

How to Deal!

I can hug, I can kiss, I can touch, caress and shush, but I cannot comfort a terminally ill person! I always feel useless because I can't take away their pain! I want to help, I want to make a difference, but what am I to do!
My friend has MS, I can't help her, and one day she'll die a slow and miserable death. What do I do to help her get through episodes? How should I act like she's going to be ok when my heart breaks over and over because I know she wouldn't? And as selfish as I am, how can I make it easier on me! I am a very bad friend, I could never cause comfort and I'm only capable of inflicting pain, so why do they keep coming back!