Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bearing Witness

As I read of an unjust world in one of my novels I stumbled upon this statement "bearing witness", we live in a dog eat dog place were survival of the fittest is the main rule, and we make the mistake of not looking out for the little ones, the poor, the misfortunate. Yes I am part of world that don't give a damn, but the difference between me and the next person in line is that I'm starting to understand that I've been blinded by the glamour of my own life that I never stopped to marvel at the despair of others. I'm starting to realize that the world does not revolve around poor Sumaiah and her daily dilemmas of unsolved homeworks and unkempt rooms, and that I have been living in the shadow of my own deceit of trying to convince myself that I alone can't change what's happening, but now I know that even so at least I am making an effort. I will no longer look the other way when I see some harm being done, I will pay attention to what's wrong in the universe and will point it out not in the cynical or sarcastic way that I'm used to but in a way that will make other people notice. I Sumaiah Hussain am bearing witness to the corruption, suffering, and degradation that's taking place around me until one day I'm qualified enough to make a real difference. Who knows, maybe I'll be the Kuwaiti Gandhi, at the rate of my hair loss I'll be bald in no time!:p

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Things Only I Would Say

Situation #1
There was a show yesterday where they showed a 4 year old aerobics trainer, so when the girl started the training session every one was like "how cute", "I want one", and all of that crap. Half way through the segment I with all my glory said "change the channel this kid is creeping me out, she looks like a tiny person!" then I realized that children are tiny persons, who knew!:p

Situation #2
A txt conversation between me and my aunt:
Me: ta5theny mn elkoleya?
Lailo: la t7awleen
Me: laish 7aram 3alaich! Ana bentech bel2ejbar 9ert mas2oletech!:p
Lailo: yallah al7een yayetech kesarty 5a6ry
Me: waaaaaiy salem galbha oo 5alha ly ya rab:*
The thing is that my aunt is not married and she's not old enough to have a daughter my age!

Situation #3
After a long trip to EPA which resulted in nothing of interest this conversation took place between me and my project partner:
Me: I saw a movie a long time ago of two guys wanting to kill there room mate because their school's policy says if a friend of them dies they automatically get an A in all courses taken at that semester
3alia: really!
Me: I don't know but that's what happened! Do you think that KU has the same policy?
3alia: I don’t know!
Me: It'll be cool if they did though! Would you kill yourself for me?
3alia: la Sumaiah ma etefa8na 3alla chethy!
Me: What if I killed you; will you have a problem with that?
3alia: What do you think!
Me: Ok then, maybe we should just work on the stupid report!
3alia: I'm afraid so
Ever since that conversation we keep talking about suicide and murder planes when we don't get something done in time!

Its nice how people after knowing me for sometime start to familiarize themselves with a certain amount of craziness and weird, it's just easier to have a "don't ask, don’t tell" attitude around me! I might have issues and drama, but I also have fun and craziness at the same time, and I'm grateful to the small population that’s welling to live with my flaws:)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dr. Super Star

As I mentioned before, I'm taking a training course in KISR and since the start of the course we've studied with a lot of great instructors, but todays doctor beets them all. He was very energetic and active in a good way (not in a "my doctor is on redbull" way). He was funny and knew what he was talking about, but most important of all is that even though we sat there for three hours with only three 5 minute breaks in between we weren't bored and at the end of the lecture we could've answered any question about the material covered. And to top it all, he kept calling us super stars and kept complementing us and bragging to other doctors about how clever we are. I'm really honored to have attended a class with that great person, and I hope that KU recognizes people like him who actually know what they're talking about to teach at the university instead of the ancient morons who just come and read from a slideshow as if we can't read on our own in the comfort of our places!

The funniest thing happened when he asked me "if we want to write an attribute table for college administration, what information should be included in the table", I instantly answered "GPA" so he paused for a second then said "well, we normally start with the name first then we conceder the rest". So there you have it, another person who thinks I'm weird welcome aboard Dr. Super Star!:p

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Messy Situation

I've always been a messy person and I've always felt that by allowing some mess into my room I'm making it more personal, a representation of the messy life that occupies it. Living with a certain level of mess never hurts anyone, but right now my room have reached a new level of mess that it no longer could be recognized as a room! And the problem is that I want to clean it up a bit but every time I go there I feel that no effort will get that thing in order. I know that I only have to gather the energy to actually start the exhausting job and then it will get easier but I just cant well myself to do so.

As I describe the current state of my room I can't help but see the resemblance between it and my life, and how I need to find the energy to clean up my acts. Why dose every thing have to be easier said than done! Why can't I magically be ok! I will be triumphant I know, I just need time which I can't afford!

What's funny is that I allowed my room to get that bad but yesterday when the stupid barada started leaking and dripping on the fridge, electricity, and soaking the rug underneath it I spent 2 hours lifting the fridge getting the water cooler out of my way lifting the water bottle from place to place then scrubbing the rug until my hands got raw and I couldn't scrub any more! Then I asked my sister to clean the fridge and then I put it back in its original place and threw the water cooler and bottle out and brought some air freshener back and sprayed the room so that I wont even sense 5mora with my super active nose! What I'm trying to say is that I don’t know why I obsessed about the water spell, congratulation I'm starting to scare myself! I feel that after all of that lifting that I could be the next strongest woman!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Parental Guidance

Yesterday I got very agitated as I watched a documentary about deaf parents not wanting to give their daughter a cochlear implant. At first I couldn't understand why I was so angry and resentful of the parents and neither did my sisters until one of them asked me why I was offended by their decision when it had nothing to do with me! And as I sat there watching the parents make a choice that I thought was unjust for their little daughter I realized that it had everything to do with me. My parents are very religious and growing up they pushed us to be just like them, taking us to nawady deneya and all that crap. Never have they once asked us if that was what we wanted! They automatically thought that since they chose that path we were expected to do the same. I hated having to do stuff their way, hated to have to pretend that I'm a saint around their friends when I'm not even spiritually active! It didn't take me long before I rebelled (in a bad way, but still it was my choice and it's something that I'll gladly live with) but still I suffer from the side effects of being forced into something that I didn't want to participate in, It sounds a lot like rape doesn’t it! Maybe it is like rape in a way, an intellectual type of rape, a trauma that deprives you from trusting your choices because after all how could you know that they're yours!

Do parents have children so that they have the power to have someone to control! Choices should be made and not enforced! I know that being religious is not a bad thing and that’s not what I'm trying to say, what's bad is being pressured to be so, and to have to carry that responsibility on your shoulder! I respect their choice and I wish that one day Allah will give the strength to be a good muslim only then will it be something that I will be proud of, because I chose to rather than had to. I believe that they should have raised us well then trusted us to make the right choices, and even if we chose wrong then we are only human and we are supposed to make our own mistakes to learn our lessons.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Glimmer of Hope

As a part of our internship course we went in a field trip to lo2lo2at el5airan, which was the most fun I had since I could remember. The trip going to the site was boring so I spent it reading my novel ("she's come undone" which I loved! It saddens me that I saw some of me in the crazy girl!), but once we got there I was so excited and overwhelmed that for a while I stopped hating the guys!:p
We were welcomed as we arrived by the costal eng. Of the project lead us to the meeting room were he showed us part of a 2 part documentary that discovery channel made on the project which will be out pretty soon. Then he started talking about the environmental aspects of the project, and for the first time in my life I saw environmental awareness! Those guys started with an environment that had 200+ species and now after the operation of the project they now have 700+ species and going up! They're trying to not only maintain the current environment but to improve it as well by introducing natural ways of purifying the sea and by that they're making it cost-friendly as well. Looking at the pure water in there and the magnificent plantations made me wish that no one ever lives there! Because I know that with people's lack of knowledge and their ignorance they will ruin what those guys have been developing for years in less than a week.
And now I have to go back to reality and work on my stupid capstone project:(

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Disaster Strikes

Yesterday I had a midterm which I couldn't study for (I believe that I'm having a student's block!), so I decided to be honest and go to my instructor and explain my situation. Knowing that the doctor regards me as one of his favorite students I thought that he will understand that I wouldn't have ever attended an exam without studying if it wasn't serious and that he'll just let me get away with the hope of feeling better in the near future, but boy was I wrong! He told me that there's nothing he can do and that I have to take the exam, and that it would've been easier for me to get out of this if I just lied and brought a forged doctor's excuse! I know that he respects rules and regulations and it's against his believes to go against them, but sometimes rules are meant to be broken. Maskeen he tried to make me feel better by telling me that the exam is very easy and that I wouldn't have any problem with solving it, but I was beyond reassurance and kept telling him that I'm going to do bad (which I did!) and that I really didn't want to take the exam. And to make matters worse, I'm PMSing so when I realized that there's no getting out of this mess I just cried (I'm normally put together and I hate showing emotions) and told him to leave me alone, need I tell you how awkward it was! And even after the outburst I still had to go to class and take the exam, and then I went to the waste management conference and he was there and I wanted the earth to split open and just swallow me whole! I am beyond embarrassed of what happened yesterday and I don't know how I'm going to face the doctor next class. Maybe I should quit school, who needs a degree after all!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Alien Invasion

KISR have just employed two guys in the department that we're training in, so now they're training with us and we totally hate them! One of them is ok bs ethany maleee8 magdar at8abala, and the engineer who's training us now lets them do all the work and expects us to just watch. I didn't go there to observe and I don't mind getting my hands dirty so why does he think that it's ok to give the boys all the work and leave us doing nothing! La wezyada 3alla hatha lamma y5ale9 shar7 he's like "ashofkom el5amees inshallah" then he turns to the boys and starts chatting, come on ya3ny what the fuck!

Now that I got it out of my system I want to go to solitary! I believe that by being in that show you get to know yourself the best. Think about it, you have all the time to be alone which gives you time to know yourself, you get to do things that you wouldn’t normally do and by that you establish your limits, your constantly challenged so you get to know your strengths, and you need to use intelligent too to win the "treatments". You can't find any better situation to know who you really are, mo! Val I really want to be in solitary!

Friday, April 2, 2010

More Drama

There's something about being a graduate student that makes people believe that they could just come and hug me! Seriously ya3ny!! Girls that I barely know and friends of friends are being too friendly to the point of repulsion! Wallah it's a huge problem, maybe I should discuss it as my capstone project!
And if girls are acting extra cute on me, doctors are being extra cranky and annoying! One doctor in particular (who I hate more than anything in the world, and yes even more than onion!) thinks that it's ok to be an ignorant bimbo loving air headed son of an ape! Wallah he comes to class, asks girls to read and then discuss while he sits and does nothing! Why is he getting paid 3ayal! I took two classes with him and that’s the third, and in all encounters I gained nothing and ended up getting bad grades! I cannot tolerate being around an inadequate bastard, being around him is a waste of my valuable time. Bs shengol '3air enna that's the glory of Kuwait University, recruiting baboons to teach the future generation, what a waste of resources!

On a different note, one of my sisters found my blog which is so not cool. I've come to love this place even though it's not that popular still it's therapeutic. It was starting to feel like the perfect place where I could be me with no expectations and no limitations but I don't know if that could be the case any more! But I'll try to work around you Asoom, just lets get a couple of things out of the way since every agreement has to have some rules and boundaries I'm establishing mine. First of all you can't fix me what's done is done and this is who I am now like it or not it's not about to change! I have my own opinions and views, and while you might not agree on but those are my believes and I'm entitled to have them. This place serves as a venting point for me, all of my frustrations end up here and some times I tend to say hurtful things that will usually rotate around you and the rest of the family, try to take it lightly because believe me even if I didn't write about it that doesn't mean that it's not there! So it's only healthy to get it out, don't you agree! I'm trying my best not to hate this situation, and I'm hoping that something good will come out of this experience because maybe now you'll start to see me for who I really am and not who I should be!
I have to go and start working on my internship's progress report now, lets hope that I'll get something done!