Friday, February 5, 2010

Reality Check

I'm finally adjusting to the fact that finals are over!! After a hectic last week of studying, taking exams, and fighting with the doctors (a very long story that ended with a complaint letter that I might post) I can safely say that I passed this semester with flying colors in spite of all the drama that I went through!

You see the semester started normally, I attended classes and skipped others but life was still good. My relationship with one of my friends was getting stronger and stronger tell we stupidly decided that we might be in love and that we should act upon it (stupid I know!), needless to say the whole situation became messy and I decided to cool things down which made things weird and messier if I may say (I had a lot of sexual drama growing up and I didn’t desire any more! Maybe one day I'll write about it but not today)!

A couple of days later my grand mother died, I learned about her death hours before one of my midterms but I still toke the stupid exam (I have issues I know!). any one who knows me knows that I have a problem with trusting people thus its hard for me to love or let go, so when mama 3oda died I didn’t know how to deal with it and I still haven’t cried!! I tried to be strong for every one else because this way I could find my own strength, I wiped my aunts' tears, forced her to eat, and helped my other aunt remember that she had a responsibility towards her child, and by this avoided paying attention to my loss.

After the three days of 3azza I started to get depressed (I have borderline depression which means that any drama may start an episode of depression that lasts for only god knows how long) so I decided to avoid depression by doing my long overdue Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy (to remove my gallbladder because I discovered that I had GB stones nearly 2 years ago but didn’t find the time to do the surgery, but the pain was getting unbearable and I needed a distraction so I just did it!). I had the disadvantage of starting this whole situation already depressed combined with the humiliation of doing the surgery and the pain of the stitches, I also started hating my family for some reason! To sum it up, I got out of the hospital feeling more depressed than before which started cycle of unhealthy behaviors that I do when depressed (things that I picked up over the years and which I'm not proud of).

After three days of getting out of the hospital I went back to school, but I didn’t start attending classes till a week after. I was behind in every thing but managed to barely keep it together to the end, until I broke down before the start of one of my finals because of my stupid doctor (I think that I need to post the complaint for you to understand!). so to sum the drama up, I lost my friend, then my grand mother, then my gallbladder, then my A, and now I'm losing my sanity because of boredom and depression (I didn’t deal with it so it still lurks around!), I believe that I should be a masters' project for any psychiatric student who wishes to get an A:p

I'm very sorry for the long dramatic post, but unfortunately all what's mentioned before happened to me in the semester and I needed to share it with some body before I went crazy, and since I'm incapable of sharing anything with any one (what a surprise :p) so I thought that maybe by posting it I might get myself to start dealing with it.

No comments: